Get a Life! Volume 2 Issue 6

Do you define yourself by your credit score?

The other day I was conducting a telephone seminar on how to take back the power in your career for a group of employees in a non-profit organization that was undergoing rapid change. We had just walked through an exercise about creating a vision of your ideal work, without the constraints of silly things like reality. I asked if there were any questions and got one from a very bright employee named Patrick.

"This is a great exercise for some people, but I can't even begin to define a vision of my perfect work."

I asked Patrick why it was so hard.

"I have lots of student loan debt and some credit card debt. Who could I possibly get interested to fund my dreams? I don't want to ask my parents to lend me money since they have done enough already."

What was NOT said on the phone was more powerful than what was said. Patrick is a smart, capable, caring and perceptive young man who is already doing great things with his life. But he had convinced himself that since he was in a tough financial situation, he didn't have permission to even imagine what a perfect life would look like.

Since when did your credit score become the required pass to a better life?
The financial part of your life is one area where there is a public, accessible record of all your past behaviors and decisions, good and bad. Every move you make financially is carefully tracked and recorded. And as a society, we place a huge weight on this score, since to us it suggests a level of maturity, responsibility and, I would argue, moral superiority. What if we tracked and scored a whole variety of other things in our lives?

Generosity score:
Adds to good score: Listened compassionately to someone in need. Donated time, money or items to worthy cause. Demonstrated love, compassion and forgiveness on a regular basis.
Subtracts from a good score: Never volunteered for anything. Ate all the cookies before your siblings got home. Held grudges and never forgave anyone for making mistakes.

Relationship score:
Adds to good score: Dated only happy, emotionally healthy people. Spoke openly and honestly about feelings. Respected your partner and cared about their well-being.
Subtracts from good score: Dated drug-addicted drummer in heavy metal band. Spent endless years in a relationship that went nowhere. Projected all of your unfinished emotional crap on the other person.

Diet score:
Adds to good score: Ate balanced diet of fruits, vegetables and grains. Didn't use excess sugar, salt, fat, alcohol or unhealthy substances.
Subtracts from good score: Went on late night Ben and Jerry's binge. Ate fast food and double chocolate lava cake with ice cream on the side. Fancied chips and salsa for dinner.

Learning and growth score:
Adds to good score: Evaluated each life experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Reflected on failures in a healthy way, sorting out what lessons were learned. Put yourself in many new and challenging situations to learn new things.
Subtracts from good score: Did the same thing over and over again without learning a thing. Stayed only in safe situations where you knew exactly what you were doing.

What kind of scores would you have in these other areas? If you are like me, you may find that it is impossible to be perfect in most areas of your life. But because there are not three agencies tracking your diet or relationship history and sharing the score with anyone who wants access, we tend to give ourselves more of a break if we are not perfect in areas besides personal finance.

Of all the crap that gets in our way of creating a better life, money issues have to top the list.

Which of these scenarios describe your money issue?

I have lots of debt and it is overwhelming.
Many people have the erroneous impression that people with huge debt are credit card-wielding shopaholics who have an insatiable desire for the perfect Manolo Blahnik shoe. And perhaps some of them are. But I find that the majority of people slowly and almost imperceptibly slipped into overwhelming debt by receiving a poor financial education, and using their credit cards for purchases they can't afford (including necessities like paying for college, room and board). This debt feels like a lead weight on your chest and creates a huge amount of fear.

I have a bad credit score because of mistakes that I made in my younger years.
Oh, the follies of youth. Some of us didn't understand the principles of money management or the pitfalls of getting access to credit cards too soon. We didn't realize that one late payment on a credit card could shoot interest rates through the roof, or that a lengthy delay on payment would be reflected on our credit report for seven years. We also may have co-signed on a car or home loan for friends or relatives who were unable to pay and saw our credit scores plummet as a result.

I have excellent credit, my bills are all paid and I have money in the bank. But I still feel poor!
Some people manifest their emotional relationship with money by never feeling fulfilled, no matter how much they make. They might have grown up without money and have an intense fear of poverty. Or they grew up wealthy and feel that if they don't continually bring in huge piles of cash that they have no worth. People who don't have money or carry lots of debt can often be confused by this emotion since these people have what they are looking for: financial stability. But to those who struggle with this issue, it is as scary and painful as being deeply in debt.

I feel uncomfortable asking for money for my services, whether it be negotiating my salary as an employee or setting an hourly rate as a free agent. Our comfort level with charging for our services is often directly related to how we feel about ourselves and how well we understand the value we bring to our customers.

My mentor Mary Jo Potter gave me advice many years ago that I will never forget. I was negotiating the salary for a job and she asked me how much I was asking for. At the time, I must have thought that $50,000 a year was a huge amount of money. So I said "I don't need more than $50,000." She said "I have been in business for many years and learned one thing that is particularly important for women: you must charge what the market rate is for your services. If you undersell yourself too much, then you will not be respected in the eyes of your peers. If you charge too little, people often think that you are not offering valuables services. Don't charge more than the market will bear; charge what is fair." But her final words of wisdom were what blew my mind:

"You can choose to give all your money away!"

For those of us raised in modest homes where rich living was frowned upon, charging a lot of money for our services can make us feel as though we are one of "those people" who care only about themselves and buy huge houses, cars and a life of luxury. Mary Jo taught me that if you make a lot of money, you can decide how to spend it! If you want to give a huge amount to charity, you can! If you want to help out family members or friends, you can! Thinking about it this way completely and totally changed the way I thought about making money. The more I make, the more I have to give away.

I have had a long and interesting relationship with money. When I was young, my family didn't have any and we lived in a wealthy area, so I always felt like I was lacking something. I started working at twelve so that I could afford to buy bell bottom pants and Candies shoes like everyone else (yes, I grew up in the 70's!). I worked all through Junior High and High School but never saved a penny. When I got out of college, I got a credit card and used it to charge living expenses and things I thought I needed. I traveled the world, had all kinds of adventures and helped out a lot of people. I made more money each year, but instead of paying off debt and saving, I just spent more money.

I placed the emotional weight of money management with my childhood issue of always being "without". My feeling was "If I want something and I have the money, I am going to get it." My older sister, on the other hand, took a totally different tact. She started working young as I did, but saved money from her first job. When she got married, she and her husband always saved money, and they lived a good and modest lifestyle. After all these years, even though they both have good jobs, she still clips coupons from the Sunday paper. I am sure that she has an outstanding credit score and impeccable financial history. In all honesty, I am incredibly proud of her, although a bit jealous that the "good money genes" went to her instead of me. My sister took the experience of being without money and translated it into: I will always take care of my finances so that I never have to be in the tight situation I was in growing up.

As soon as I started truly loving myself, my relationship with money radically changed. I have a completely different relationship with money now because I have a different relationship with myself than I did in my twenties. I have no problem attracting it, and when it comes I treat it with gratitude and respect. I don't take one dollar that I earn for granted, and it feels good to look after it with care.

Dealing with money is one of the most emotion-charged issues you will ever face as an adult. If any of you are married or in a committed relationship, you know that differing views on money can cause some of the most intense conflicts you will face as a couple. If you try to address your money situation without looking at the emotions underlying them, you will find it impossible to get out of your current situation.

Managing money requires knowledge, skill, support and practice. Thank goodness we have enough sense as a society to require driver's education classes for teenagers. They are required to learn about the rules of the road, practice with supervision and take a test to insure that they know what they are doing before they get on the road. Why don't we do the same thing when we hand over a credit card for the first time? If you never learned the "rules of the road" as they apply to money, take the time to educate yourself and surround yourself with competent, supportive professionals.

Let me tell you straight: your credit score is not a reflection of your worth as a human being. So stop placing the emotional weight on what you did wrong, which often leads to more destructive behavior, and start loving yourself!

How do you build a positive relationship with money?

Recognize that money is a powerful energy that has to be respected. If you feel like money is scarce, it will become that way. When you receive it, be grateful and do not close your eyes and spend it on things that are not healthy for you. Keep your wallet clean and your bills neatly ordered.
Look straight in the eye of your financial situation. Add up all of your credit card, home, auto or personal loan debt. Write the number down and look at it intently. Figure out your current monthly or annual salary and make a plan to slowly but steadily pay down your debt. Get copies of your credit report and note the specific things that contributed to a negative score. Track your expenses on a monthly basis and become familiar with your spending patterns.
When your bills come, immediately open the envelope and look at the amount and date due. Throw away any filler paper that is included and keep your current bills in a basket right by the place where you pay bills. You will add to fear and denial if you let your bills sit unopened in a big pile of messy papers.
Automate your banking. I found that many people with money problems have a hard time balancing their checkbooks. If you have online banking, you can see transactions on a daily basis, and can better manage your cash flow.
Focus on prosperity and abundance, not dollars. What you want is abundance in your life in all areas; love, compassion, fun, energy, relationships and health. Money is just the means to an end; it is not the end itself.
Pay attention to the words that you say about money. Prosperity is attracted to a spirit of humility and gratitude. Look at the difference in these words:


	De-Energizing Money Talk		Energizing Money Talk
	I don't know how I am ever going to pay my bills I am so sick of paying out so much money every month $#! government takes all my hard-earned money I will never have enough money		How could I make money to pay my bills? I am thankful that I have the money to pay bills that put a roof over my head, keep me warm, fed and clothed I hope that the tax dollars I am required to spend each year go towards helping build a stronger community for me, my family, and those around me. I am thankful for my health, my family, my home (or insert any other thing in your life you are grateful for)

Words are powerful! Do not underestimate their effect on your relationship with money.

If you are a believer in the principles of Feng Shui, the north-west corner of your house (as you face inside from the entrance to your house or room) is the Wealth corner. Make sure it is free of clutter. Place items there that bring up a good feeling of money: special coins, phrases that conjure prosperity or pictures of things that remind you of abundance.
Give some money away. Now this probably seems like a crazy suggestion. If you are short on money, why in the world would you want to give any away? It doesn't matter if you give $1 or $100. The important thing is to give it away and expect nothing in return. Relish in the feeling of giving and how good it feels to let money go to a good cause.

Being financially responsible is not about living up to anyone's standard of perfection. It is about respecting and valuing yourself, protecting your interests and leaving many doors open for you to do whatever it is you want to do: travel, buy a home, provide for your children, or start a business. A good credit score is a great thing when you approach it from the right perspective.

Check out these resources to learn more:

Prosperity Place: This is a really helpful site with great articles and a book I am just reading and getting a lot of value from: Build Your Money Muscles. The site owner, Joan Sotkin does a great job of explaining the emotional underpinnings of our relationship with money.

How to Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt and Live Prosperously by Jerrold Mundis

Enrollment open for new workshops!

Are you ready to make a change in your career and take a bigger, more significant step but don't know what it is or how to get there?

Are you ready to start a small business but feel overwhelmed by the huge amount of information available and don't know where to begin?

Have you been in business for yourself for a number of years and find that you are not doing the work you love anymore and need help redefining your role in your business?

I have created new workshops to address each of these issues and I would love to have you sign up! They meet once a week for six weeks and will be conducted via telephone.

Shortcuts to Rekindle the Fire in Your Career starts in October.

Start the Small Business You Have Always Dreamed About starts in January.

Rediscover the Joy of Running Your Own Business starts in January.

To find out more, click here.

Did I scare you away from referring friends to free resources?

After my announcement in early September about my new website and free resources available to Get a Life subscribers, my friend Edie wrote:

"Great site, but I'm not sure how to refer this site to others. I started to forward to my new business partner until I read the whole thing and pledged not to. It might be helpful if you could provide a place to give you names and email addresses for people we want to refer, like United Airlines does on their promotions."

Thanks for the great suggestion Edie! I followed your advice and here it is:

If you want to give friends, kids, colleagues, neighbors or relatives access to the FREE resources on my site, you can use this easy-to-use, fully customizable and spam-free alternative: click here.



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My computer system will not save the names of anyone that you suggest. The email that you send via my system will be the only email they receive.

Let's hear it for your abundance and prosperity!

All the best,

-Pam

Pamela Stewart
Ganas Consulting
7744 E. Albany Street
Mesa, AZ 85207
480-663-3252
pcs@ganas.com
www.ganas.com

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