Traps to avoid when discussing your career with relatives over the holidays Finding out which career or business best matches your life is really hard work. You have to do soul searching, research, training and address personal fears all while working full-time in your day job. Just when it seems like you get total clarity and incredible motivation to make some positive change in your life, you are faced with the task of talking about it with your family. And if you are like normal people everywhere, this can sometimes be a challenging and emotionally charged experience. I personally have very supportive parents and siblings who rarely discourage my plans (mainly because they know better since I can be very focused and bullheaded when I get clear on what I want -- I pity my Mom when she had to deal with me as a teenager). But even supportive families have their quirks. What are common traps you can fall into when discussing your career with relatives? Thinking they understand what you are talking about. Anyone who has tried to explain "Social Media," "Web 2.0" or blogging to an elder relative may recognize the vacant stare and look of puzzlement on their face. Even non-technical people your age can get confused. My husband has grown up in the low-tech environment of the construction industry and rarely touches the computer except to play Solitaire. The first time I talked about my blog, he thought I said "blob." I can just imagine the image that came to his mind of a scary, gooey, gigantic looking creature that oozed its way through the city streets, slowly gobbling up people and cars like in the classic movie The Blob. Solution: Reduce any and all jargon. Talk about your business concept in a very simple way that anyone from a 7 year old to a 70 year old could understand. "Grandma, having a blog is kind of like sitting down and writing a letter to someone every day. But instead of it being delivered to only one mailbox, the same letter gets delivered to a thousand. And if anyone likes what they read in my letter, they write me back right away, and I get all kinds of responses in my mailbox." Thinking they understand that you have changed since your failed lemonade business in fifth grade. Try as we might, it is so hard to break the stereotypes that our relatives have about us based on what they saw when we were growing up. "You could never stick to one thing, Martha, you were always distracted in your studies." or "Bob, how in the world could you start your own business? Remember how painfully shy you were in high school? Your Mom had to go to the prom with you!" Even if they don't come right out and say it, you can often feel their disapproval based on their body language or tone of voice. My friend Desiree and I talk about the "The Tone" that our Moms use with us occasionally on the phone. They don't have to say a word, it is just the way that they say "hmmmm" that clues us in to the fact that they don't agree with what we are saying. Now that we are Moms too, we are carefully perfecting our Tones. Solution: Change your expectations. You will never be able to convince your family you have outgrown your innate shyness, so stop trying. Show results by your actions. If you get too frustrated in a conversation, smile and change the subject quickly. The worst thing you can do is argue your point. You will never win, and will most likely revert to acting like a 10 year old. Thinking they understand the changing job market. Older relatives may be perplexed by the fact that the average person now has seven careers in their lifetime. They grew up in a world where the best career security was finding a good job in a good company and staying until retirement. Lots of job changes was seen as being irresponsible, unstable and less desirable for employment. Solution: Come armed with a nice "elevator speech" about today's job market so that you can help them see that you are not outside of the norm. "25% of women in their mid-40s are successfully starting businesses, Uncle Milt," or recite the "7 career per lifetime" statistic above. If they still don't get it, let it go and change the subject. Thinking they want to hear you drone on about work all day. You might find your latest research on the patterns of migratory birds to the South Pole fascinating, but it is unlikely that your relatives have the same amount of enthusiasm or interest. If you find yourself blathering on about your boss or the market research for your business plan, it may be time to refresh your eggnog and give your poor niece a break. Solution: Keep yourself to a 10 minute maximum on work talk with any one person. When you reach your limit, switch topics and ask about something else. I find that we often miss a great opportunity to ask our elder relatives about what it was like when they were growing up. Once they are gone, you forever lose the stories about your family history. Additional strategies for survival: Breathe deeply and relax When you feel like conversations are intense or heated, take a deep breath and stop talking. Then follow the next strategy: Laugh If you step back from your personal situation for a minute, you can find that it is extremely funny. Imagine that you are writing a script about the crazy family dynamics that you witness every year. Who knows, you could end up writing the career version of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and make millions of dollars. A good friend had an uncle that was provoking and outrageous and played the trumpet through his nose every year at Christmas. Instead of being mortified, she laughed hysterically. Commiserate with a beloved sibling Sometimes you get cornered by a parent or relative who peppers you with questions about your career (when they are done asking you why you haven't found a girlfriend/married your longtime boyfriend or had any kids yet). If you can't avoid these uncomfortable conversations, decompress with your favorite sibling/cousin or uncle. Avoid stewing and being angry - that will ruin everyone's time, including your own. Never forget: it's your life. You can love, respect, honor and adore your relatives, but you can't make them approve of your decisions. If you are happy about your own life, that is really all that matters. Over time, I do believe that most parents and family members would rather see you happy than miserably doing what they want you to do. Do you have any great career trap holiday stories? Please share them at the blog! The Blog In Escape from Cubicle Nation, I write about 5 entries a week on topics related to helping people in corporate jobs break out and start their own business. Here are some recent posts from the month of November: My entry into Hugh McLeod's call to change the world:  The work manifesto Plastics young man!  How to use market trends in your quest for the perfect business Get a grip on yourself before the holiday onslaught I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me The mind/body connection and its relation to blogfat If you want to be notified of new posts, you can sign up in the box in upper right corner that says "Sign up here - and I'll let you know when I post." Or if you are savvy about RSS, just click on my feed button right below the sign-up box. Tired of reading? Catch the Escape from Cubicle Nation Podcast. I post a new episode every other Monday. Here's the place to listen to past shows and sign up for automatic updates. 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