Finding grace in the throes of gut-wrenching failure I remember reading on Guy Kawasaki's blog (I'm not sure where) that any person worth their weight needs to experience the pain of a spectacular business flop to truly succeed as an entrepreneur. I nodded my head in agreement as I read it, remembering my own experience as an employee of a small computer company in the late 90's that nearly went out of business. I was the Director of Training, and was given a budget each week to pay the independent contract trainers who had taught classes for us. The budget was usually about 50% of what was actually due, so the experience was exceptionally uncomfortable. As an entrepreneur, these feelings are magnified by a thousand. It is hard not to be brought to your knees by things that go wrong in your business since you feel personally accountable for everything. Failures can be things like: A business partnership flops The product you thought was going to sell 1,000 units sells 5 You failed to deliver what you promised to your client on time You get terrible feedback from users reviewing your new website You choke in a live presentation You don't secure the venture funding you were counting on Everyone processes their discomfort at failing differently, but most would agree that in general, the feeling sucks! I feel failure on a very physical level, experiencing the following symptoms: My head becomes warm and constricted I feel a clench in my gut, and a slight sense of nausea I become obsessed with thoughts like "Why did this happen,?" Why didn't I see it coming?" and "What was I thinking?" My general irritability increases, making me an unpleasant person to live with (just ask my husband) I wake up in the middle of the night and replay the aforementioned questions over and over I can't stay in this state for very long, as I generally try to be a happy and stress-free person. I know through my own experience that some of the most profound, life-changing and helpful lessons I have learned are through my personal moments of failure. So if you are in the midst of feeling gut-wrenching misery from a mistake, how to you move to a state of contented grace? 1. Describe the situation objectively Using one of the common scenarios above, such as "you failed to deliver what you promised to your client on time," describe what happened. You met with a client and defined deliverables. You guessed how much time it would take to complete them, and gave the client a due date. You got to work completing them, but then had some unanticipated glitches. Your computer crashed and you had to wait 2 days to get it repaired. You had some emergency work come in with another client. Your parents came into town and stayed the weekend when you thought you were going to have time to work on the project. You spent hours and hours surfing the internet and responding to email when you should have been working on the project It took three times longer to do the work than you anticipated, and by the time you realized this, you didn't have the time to make up the difference. You attempted to pull and all-nighter to finish the project, but then felt so upset at yourself that you just curled into a fetal position and went to sleep (after eating a pint of ice cream) 2. Brainstorm reasons why you think it turned out the way it did Looking back at the situation, you can see a few patterns: You didn't take the take the time to really plan and research how long it would take to complete the project before giving an estimate to your client You didn't have a backup plan for technical emergencies You didn't draw firm boundaries with your time. As hard as it is to say no to family members or clients you care about, sometimes you have to cut back on obligations. You didn't plan your time effectively, and waited to get the bulk of it done at the last minute. So when unanticipated problems cropped up, you didn't have time to fix them. 3. Figure out what you could do differently in a similar situation in the future Now that the pain of this lesson is fresh in your mind, reflect on ways that you can avoid the same thing happening in the future. For example: Spend more time up front researching a project to create a more realistic time estimate Check with friends or colleagues who have done similar projects and ask them how long it took Set firm boundaries with family or clients. If spending time with them will stop you from completing your project on time, graciously ask if you can reschedule. If a client has an urgent project that you cannot complete, refer them to someone else who can. Pace yourself. Put specific time in your schedule to complete the project, and make sure that you make progress each day or each week. If you have a real problem with getting distracted, consider taking a time management course or working with a productivity coach. Don't make your stress worse by beating yourself up or doing unhealthy things like eating a kilo of chocolate. Focus on action and recovery when you see that you have blown it. 4. Make a plan of recovery You know you can't take back your mistake, so now you have to focus on recovering with your client. As my best friend Desiree said, "Everyone makes mistakes -- the true test of a professional is how you recover." You may want to do things like: Finish the project as quickly as possible Apologize sincerely to your client, preferably in person. Acknowledge that you fell down on your commitment and regret that it affected your work with them. Don't bother them with all of your excuses or assess blame to someone else. Look them in the eye and say you are sorry. Propose a solution like discounting the next project, offering something else for free, or helping in some way that would benefit them and get the project back on track. If your tardiness has impacted other parts of your client's project, do all you can to share ideas for getting it back on track 5. Honestly and sincerely thank yourself for learning valuable lessons The grace in failure comes at this phase. When you step back and review everything we just covered, you realize that you have the opportunity to learn some great lessons that will really help you in your business and your life. If you choose to change your behavior from this experience, you will experience less stress, more joy and more effectiveness in your business. I am not sure if it is the same with you, but I find that each time I choose to ignore a valuable lesson, it crops up again and again in other situations until I do something about it. Why not learn the lesson now? The only path to learning and growth comes through experimentation. Sometimes you will win, sometimes you will lose. I hope you thoroughly enjoy your successes and do the work to see the grace in your failures. What are your thoughts on experiencing and recovering from failure? Please share them at the blog! The Blog In Escape from Cubicle Nation, I write about 5 entries a week on topics related to helping people in corporate jobs break out and start their own business. Here are some recent posts from the month of January: How not to be a cultural knucklehead in a global business world Choosing between a crack pipe and wheatgrass juice Interview with Randal Pinkett, Apprentice winner and author of Campus CEO Yes' are great, no's are great, maybe's will kill you Bob Knight: The perfect mascot for "The No Asshole Rule" If you want to be notified of new posts, you can sign up in the box in upper right corner that says "Sign up here - and I'll let you know when I post." Or if you are savvy about RSS, just click on my feed button right below the sign-up box. Tired of reading? Catch the Escape from Cubicle Nation Podcast. I post a new episode every other Monday. Here's the place to listen to past shows and sign up for automatic updates. 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