8 strategies for getting the most from painful or awkward life transitions These days, life doesn't stay static for very long. It seems like as soon as you get comfortable with where you are that things change and you are forced to adapt your schedule, your finances or your emotions. But there are some life transitions that are truly life-altering, and put you in a state of extended discomfort, unease, awkwardness or even depression. These can be things like: Losing your job Getting married Having a baby Moving Retiring Death of a loved one Leaving a long-term relationship Seeing your last kid off to college Going from employee to entrepreneur Some of you may have chuckled as you saw I included "positive" events like marriage and the birth of children as having awkward, painful or even depressive emotional side effects. The interesting thing is that no matter what the ultimate benefit of a change, going from "what was" to "what will be" can be very unsettling. One of the utmost authorities on change and transition, William Bridges, in his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes refers to the period between "endings" (your old life) and "beginnings" (your new life) as The Neutral Zone. This term was first coined over 75 years ago by Dutch anthropologist Arnold van Gennep who noticed that in most traditional societies, all ceremonies marking change involved separation, transition (which he called the neutral zone) and incorporation. If you find yourself in this transition period, or neutral zone, you may notice the following symptoms: Physical: Low energy Increased awareness of aches and pains Heaviness in chest or pit in stomach Light headedness Inability to concentrate Emotional: Sadness Anxiety Restlessness Fluctuating emotions: happy and positive one day, negative and depressed the next "Spaciness" Crankiness (just ask my husband about this, when the transition is pregnancy, and you have the added benefit of raging hormones in a time of great personal transition) To this day, many traditional societies mark significant changes with rituals that help with the transition process. In my husband's Navajo culture, for example, male and female puberty ceremonies are marked by four days of isolated reflection, sharing of wisdom between the young and elderly, time in nature, and disconnection from "modern conveniences" including electronics and all forms of media. In today's society, if we get slowed down by a significant life transition and can't keep up a frantic level of activity and output, we ask ourselves: What is wrong with me? Why can't I just get it together and move on? Why is it so hard to get things done right now? Will I ever go back to feeling like my "old self?" The reality is, being in this awkward state of transition is an extremely creative and ripe period. Here are eight strategies for getting the most out of this juicy time: Embrace it. Instead of asking yourself "When am I going to get back to normal?", be thankful that you are given an opportunity to reflect on your life and possibly come out with a new, improved, emotionally healthier you. You may not want to do this in public, but repeat the mantra "uncertainty is powerful and liberating!" as often as you can, and you may just begin to believe it. Carve out quiet, reflective time. I find that people who are in the midst of a career change feel extremely guilty for taking any time off between the "old gig" and the new. But in fact, if you don't take some time off between endeavors, you are much more likely to either choose the wrong vocation, or find yourself just as frustrated in your new situation as you were in your old one. So don't beat yourself up if you feel the need to just space out, take long walks, or cook good meals. Do something creative. If you are a frustrated artist, now is the perfect time to break out your paints, or clay, or camera, and engage your creative senses. You want to be more in a state of feeling rather than thinking, and creative pursuits are great for that. Ask yourself "What am I afraid of?" Your fears hold lots of information which can shape your new life. If you are getting married, you may fear losing your independence, or your prized Hot Car collection, or your sense of spontaneous passion. Don't choke down these fears, look at them closely and use them as the basis for good, healthy discussion with your spouse-to-be about how you can design a life to incorporate the things that are important to both of you. "Try on" different scenarios that don't fit the "old" you. When you are working full-time as an employee, or raising teenagers, or whatever your "old life" consisted of, you can get set in a certain persona. As you leave your familiar role ("I am the ultimate mother figure to my kids whose primary goal is to support and nurture") and move towards your uncertain future role, try on some new, totally different scenarios ("I am a wanderlust-filled traveller whose only thought is how to indulge my every whim, dance on tabletops and eat exotic food.") You may just find that the person you once were, or always wanted to be, is just waiting for you to step into her shoes. Tune up your health. When I went through a slow period in my consulting business a couple of years ago, I used the free time as a way to get back into working out. I took up yoga, pilates and kickboxing, dropped 20 pounds and found that my overall emotional well-being skyrocketed. A time of great personal transition is NOT the time to indulge in drugs or alcohol as it will only drown out your creative voice and reinforce feelings of fear and anxiety when you wake up next to your empty tequila bottle. Instead, eat healthily, exercise and breathe in as much clean air as you can and you will find that peace and clarity emerges from deep within. Cut back on obligations to ensure alone time. You want to reduce as many obligations as you can so that your primary focus is yourself. So just because you don't have a "day job" anymore, don't volunteer to chair the holiday food drive at your local shelter, or to watch the neighbor's 3-year old quadruplets. Once you are clear and moving in your new life, you can train for sainthood on earth again. For now, clean out the lint from your own bellybutton. Clear out clutter. A period of transition is a great time to clear out junk, boxes, papers, pictures, old clothes, moldy food from the back of your refrigerator and expired cans from the pantry. A clean environment really does contribute to a clean mind. I am also a big fan of rearranging furniture since it will get you comfortable with seeing familiar things in a new and different way. The last thought I want to leave you with is don't rush through the neutral zone. If you utilize some of these strategies and engage your creativity, you will know when it is time to stop navel-gazing and get busy with your new plans. Your "new improved you" will thank yourself for it! What are your thoughts about living through the Neutral Zone? Please share them at the blog! The Blog In Escape from Cubicle Nation, I write about 5 entries a week on topics related to helping people in corporate jobs break out and start their own business. Here are some recent posts from the month of August/September: It takes a village to raise a one-person business  The secret to great relationships with mentors? Reciprocity  9 Ways to keep hucksters, shucksters and slimeballs at arms length when starting your own business  Are you hiding behind the curtain of a powerful mentor?  The power of hard deadlines to get things done  If you want to be notified of new posts, you can sign up in the box in upper right corner that says "Sign up here - and I'll let you know when I post." Or if you are savvy about RSS, just click on my feed button right below the sign-up box. Tired of reading? Catch the Escape from Cubicle Nation Podcast. I post a new episode every other Monday. Here's the place to listen to past shows and sign up for automatic updates. Or catch my live radio show every Friday here. Escape from Cubicle Nation Teleclass I will be offering one f*ree teleclass each month on the topic of Escaping from Cubicle Nation with a Question and Answer format. We always have a great discussion, and the calls are recorded to listen to afterward. Call Details: Escape from Cubicle Nation Q&A The first Wednesday of every month (next one November 7) 3pm-4pm Eastern (12pm Pacific, 1pm Mountain, 2pm Central, 8pm UK) To sign up for any of the upcoming classes for the rest of the year, see this page. It is important to confirm that you signed up of your own will by opening up and clicking the link in the confirmation email. It will come from me (pcs@ganas.com) and the subject will be "Confirm your request for information for the (date) teleclass." Follow the simple directions in the email and you will confirm your attendance and receive the call-in details. I really look forward to meeting you on the call! Not a Get a Life Subscriber yet? 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